


what magic has touched.

by prouveyrac



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Death, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, just after "all that remains"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 18:43:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4575555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prouveyrac/pseuds/prouveyrac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gamlen asked Hawke why he couldn't be normal like Carver. Hawke wonders the same thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	what magic has touched.

“Bodahn said you didn’t eat tonight.”

Hawke didn’t look up when Fenris entered. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the blank wall across from him. He’d been like this for hours now; He couldn’t bring himself to move from his hunched over position, his elbows resting on his knees.

“I can’t,” Hawke murmured. Whenever he thought of his mother’s face on that… _thing_ , his stomach churned and he lost his appetite.

Fenris sighed, sitting next to Hawke. “I… I’m sorry, Hawke.” Hawke waited, expecting more. When Fenris stayed silent, he finally tore his gaze away from the wall, looking at Fenris. “Anything else I could say…” he added on, obviously trying to find the right words. “Wouldn’t be helpful.”

“Then just tell me this,” Hawke said. “Is it my fault?” He already knew the answer, he just hoped that perhaps Fenris would prove him wrong.

“I could say no, but would that do anything?”

Hawke shook his head. “I wouldn’t believe you,” he whispered.

“Hawke-”

“No,” Hawke said, standing up from his bed. “The one thing I promised Carver was to keep mother safe. And I… I couldn’t even do that.” He picked his staff up from its position on the floor. Despite Hawke having thrown it there earlier, the onyx was unblemished. “But of course I couldn’t. Magic got to her…” His fists clenched around his staff. “I mean, you said it yourself: what has magic touched that it hasn’t spoiled?” A broken sob escaped his lips and he smacked his staff against the doorframe, though it did more damage to that than the staff itself.

At that point, Hawke’s legs gave out beneath him. Fenris was there instantly, his arms around Hawke’s waist as he gently lowered him down. He then sat beside him and pulled him close. He remained silent -letting Hawke grieve- besides for his soft murmurings of “It’s okay, Hawke” and “I’m sorry, Hawke.”

When Hawke finally began to regain his composure, Fenris said quietly, “Magic has not spoiled you.”

Hawke sniffed and ran his hands over his face. “It might as well have…. Magic is the reason my family had to stay on the run, why Carver -and even Bethany- couldn’t have a normal life. Magic killed my mother, and I couldn’t even be there to help her.”

“You could never have known that was happening,” Fenris said, gently (if a bit stiffly) rubbing Hawke’s arm.

“I could have prevented it, though. If I… if I just paid attention a little more, was home more often, I would have been there when the white lilies were delivered. I could have stopped this before it even started.” Hawke drew a shaky breath. “I… I just don’t think I can do this. Carver is going to get Gamlen’s letter and blame me, and frankly, he has every right to.”

“But… but it _isn’t_ , Hawke,” Fenris tried. “It’s not your fault, it’s… it’s….”

Hawke laughed bitterly, shaking his head. “It’s magic, just say it. You won’t be offending me.” He then worried his bottom lip. “And it truly is. Magic did this. Nothing else could have done this.”

Fenris remained silent.

Hawke sighed. “Gamlen asked me why I couldn’t be normal like Carver. Frequently I ask myself the same thing.”

Silence passed between the two of them. Finally, Fenris sighed. “If it helps, I’ve never met a finer mage than you.”

“Thank you, Fenris. It… it does mean a lot. It’s just…” Hawke trailed off, gesturing with his hand.

“It’s hard to believe,” Fenris filled in. “I know.”

Hawke nodded. “At least for right now it is. There’s a lot going on, it’s difficult to see the good right now. But I do appreciate that, and you being here.”

“It’s the least I could do, considering everything you have done for me,” Fenris said.

“Could you just do me one more favor?”

“Of course.”

“Stay the night?” Hawke asked, resting his head on Fenris’ shoulder.

“I will.”

Things weren’t easy, wouldn’t be for a while. But having Fenris there, well, things were just a bit more bearable.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!! feedback/kudos are very much appreciated :)
> 
> follow me on tumblr @ archdemoned.tumblr.com


End file.
